Friday, January 20, 2012
I have been to a couple viewings in my life and every one is uncomfortable. For me, I am used to seeing an elderly person in the casket. It's a THOUSAND times more uncomfortable and staggering when it is your friend in the casket. Someone who you spent a lot of time with, grew up with, and thought you would share more life experiences with. Someone who is the SAME AGE as you are. 20 years old. Shawn was 20 years old. I am 20 years old. It's unbelievable. He looked like the same old Shawn in his jeans and red and black plaid shirt. I wanted to hug him, but I couldn't, and I felt like it would be a bit odd for me to touch him. But I really wanted to. I wanted to put my hand on his and tell him how much I love him and that I miss him and that I wish he could come back. Up until tonight it seemed like this unimaginable daze that we were all in, but finally seeing him tonight, I knew he was no longer here. Officially. I hate it when things in life get all too real and slap you in the face. But it needed to happen, and not just for me. We all needed to see that he really was gone and come to terms with it and accept it. It's a bit eerie. But it's also reassuring. I am almost didn't go. I'm glad I did. Even if it was just to see Shawn's sweet face one more time.